Sunday, August 9, 2015

If only it wasnt true...

Recently  I received a bombshell from my good old fren and it wasnt a news I wanted to hear.

For months now, I have had a premonition and vibe that something doesnt seem right about my fav couple and I even told my man that I have a nagging fear that they might have done the unthinkable. My man told me there's nothing much I could do, esp all the way from HK and since its a personal thing, all we can do is wait for them to spring any updates on us.

I felt uneasy but my man was right. There really isnt anything I can do, since my last heart to heart talk with my gf on my last trip back to Sg, which is like a year ago. All I can do is wait but that's the thing about instinct, u cant shake them off.

Today my gf texted me to do a favor for her.
I said ok and as I was chatting with her via text, I updated her on the latest news on my newborn and she said she has news to share too.

My first response was "i hope its not what I feared."
She said " What do u think it is"
I told her "I dont want to guess. Just tell me."
Seriously, NO ONE WANTS to guess bad news.

She wrote back "We separated"
Ok, the bombshell dropped and while shocking, it didnt surprise me since I had that nagging feeling for months.

I told her we are sad about it, but I respect the fact that she must have thought about it before acting on it and ask her if she was ok. Of course, being such an old fren of mine, I told her if she needed to talk about it, I'm happy to call her but I will not ask her any questions because I dont want to be a hassle, or probe into her privacy like a KPO. I told her if I dont ask further isnt because I dont care, but rather I respect her space and need for privacy, though I told her I do have a million whys but I will let her tell me in good time when she is ready.

I asked if she was ok.
She said she is fine but not her husband.

I'm not surprised.
They have been together for over 2 decades, it cannot be easy.

When I shared the news with my man, he was pretty sad about the outcome too. We are hoping that they will reconcile...but since my last conversation with her...the outcome seemed irreversible though both are still seemingly amicable towards each other.

The last I rem, the trigger point was the fact that the MIL was pushing them for a baby. Her hubby was keen to have one too but she wasnt. She did try initially to consult an OB but somewhere along the line, she realised she REALLY dont want a kid. However, she knows her man does and she thot it wasnt fair for her to hang on to him if she cannot give him what he wants

I told her to think about it because I dont think he will leave her just because he like to have a baby, after 20 years+ of marriage, this is the sort of thing that you talk about in the early years of marriage. I cant imagine anyone splitting up in the good old vintage years of life over this issue. Of course the other issue they had was that he was away on long projects overseas and she said she had gotten used to him not being around. That was something I have no answer for.

My life motto, and something I learnt from my breakup with my ex, is that you dont live apart from each other for over a year and expect your relationship to remain unchanged. Whether it's marriage or relationship, long distance can often be a killer. It's not always about 3rd party, but distance does cause drift because either party can form a new social life, lifestyle without the other person. That's why my life motto "Whereever you go, I go too." No career, no other reasons can make me stay if your partner is really who u want to be with for the rest of your life. If I'm destined to takre a crappy job or be jobless, so be it. I find emotional fulfillment more important than financial independence. Good thing I'm not an overly driven person...something that my husband joked about time to time. He sometimes commented that its a waste that I stay home and be a housewife when he knows I can do very well in many thing I want to do. Even my ex boss told me once that he thinks its a waste that I chose to "stay at home and be housewife". But the thing is, it's my choice and I'm happy with the choice I make. People like to make jokes about "oh i'm a tai tai" They seemed to think that I do nothing but live a eat, travel shop life which is further than the truth.

Sure I do travel whenever my man feels like he has enough stress at work. Other days, I busied myself running the household chores, taking care of nitty griity aspect of our lives, chase down crappy tenants, deal with stupid banks, and any paper works or stuff to help my man. I havent had a manicure for years, not a facial for a decade, havent shop for years...but I'm happy.

Now with a little one in tow, a whole new project has sprung up on me and running on sleep deficit for months...this is even more challenging to be stay at home mum than any job in the world. There is no proper break (if u discount all the hours that my man chipped in to give me sleep time). U need to be on top of the game all the time since the little one depends everything on you.

While its funny seeing the little one grow, frankly, I do miss my child free life. I wont say I would trade this or that but seriously, unless you really have the heart and soul to want to do it, having a child is really not for everyone. It does creates friction between couples because of different styles & expectations and "speed" of doing things. It will be worse if you have a difficult baby which thankfully we dont. Still, the million things u have to do for the little one is crazy not to mention the hours and sleepless days and night pumping milk and feeding the LO. It's sooo OMG. My man now "dictates" that I have to stop breastfeeding by 6 months because he doesnt want to see me being sleep deprived for so long and not having a life of my own. It's almost sad that even grocery shopping can be such a delicious break. Going out now is like a mini project each time, revolving round feeding time and milk pumping time... sigh... I feel like there is an invisible chain tying me home.

I seriously look forward to our next first trip away. Though unfortunately we have no family member to dump our kid to for our private date nights. Now the closest "date" night is always being at home while the baby sleeps and we tiptoe out to living room to watch Tv together or something.

I wish my friends wont have split over the decision of a baby.
It's really sad....
A baby will bring u a different lifestyle, life aspect and emotions but seriously... to split from your lifetime partner over this is rather tragic decision esp after 20 years together.

I hope. I pray. That someone one will have a change of heart and they will get back together.

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