Friday, December 18, 2009

An after weddin party night to remember...

After attending my friend's dinner, I couldnt help but wonder. Are some women more in love with the idea of marriage and wedding dinner, or the actual marriage?

Some brides put in sooooooooooo much (overly so) effort, time and money into the wedding preparation, so much so that they lose all perspective of the meaning of a marriage. Wedding dinner isnt everything but some women simply think their world will collapse if something goes wrong on that day or nite. It's preposterous to me, the idea of throwing so much money into organising a wedding dinner that your guest hardly appreciates much, or worse, remember much of it.

Who the hell are going to recall those hundred photo slides of YOU and partner? Do people really care about the half dozen "wedding" outfits you don and snap expensive pictures of? Frankly, no one does except u. And so, is it really worth splurging thousands of dollars for that momentary flash of ego? I never cease to be amused by these flaunting of the "beautiful" moments.

Marriage is between 2 people, 2 families. Making the it work right is way more important than making it LOOK right.

In the recent wedding I attended, the behaviour of the bride totally astound me. While I have always known her to be on the loutish side, her uncouth outburst with a mouthful of vulgarities put me-the listener to shame on her behalf.

Firstly, it was already rare for all the guests to be punctual at 7.30pm. However, for selfish reasons, the wedding banquet didnt start till 9.30pm. The reason being the videophotographer had misspell the bride's name within the video and was late delivering the final masterpiece. Frankly, the video wasnt spectacular and half of the guests didnt even bother with it when it was "telecast". I couldnt fathom why there was this insistence that the video has to be "aired" and timed with the "march in". Couldnt they have just allow the guests to consume our dinner and readjust the nite's program rather than selfishly going ahead with their (her) plans?

Casting that aside, the groom called and asked me and my friend to return to their hotel suite for after dinner bash at 12.30am. At that nite, I was already at another hotel finishing up my catch up drink with my friend and ready to head home. Being his nite, we obliged and took a cab back to his hotel room.

As i entered the room, the scene shocked me a little. Apart the place resembling a smoky den, the bride in her "normal" gear, standing with a cig in hand and swearing away to her friends kinda had me reeling in shock. I have to confess, I am not at ease with such coarse brutish behaviour especially from a woman, since none of my own girlfriends (and guys) are that uncouth. This is one of those moments where I honestly believe apart from upbringing, the environment you are schooled in makes hell of a difference. Your peers and your social interactions would not stand for such flaky conduct, so u know it is NOT ok to be cursing and swearing, swigging some alcoholic content in hand.

That aside, I thought it was a little strange that the bride and groom party are positioned separately at two ends of the room. Just as I settled down comfortably on the floor, with the groom's friends and bestmen, the groom came join us for the celebratory toast. Before I knew it, pretty soon everything went south....

While seated before me, I was completely aghast when the groom started to swear in the worst possible dialect vulgarities loudly in the direction of the bride's company. His ranting and outburst continued in ascending volume and severity and hush overwhelmed the room.

Myself and the groom's best friend grabbed him to sit down and tried to hush him, reminding him of the occasion. The bride was on full steam, charged over and started swearing and hurling her own version of vulgarity at her "newly wed" husband. She challenged him openly and demanded what it was all about. The groom told her to step aside as his quarrel is not with her (but her Malaysian bridal group). The bride refuse to let up, let go, and swear at him, stating that any insult to her friends is as good as directing it at her. She berated him, stating that he is not "giving her face". My friend yelled back "If I give you face, who is giving me face?" Oh no...the fight rages on.

The wife, in her fighting stance, was pulled back by her company while we restrained the groom, with our hands over his mouth.

The fight went on for over 2 hours. We didnt dare to leave. After having said his peace, the groom calmed down sufficiently and cooled off rapidly but the wife went on and on and on and on...saying she is not letting this go blah blah blah. She even ran out of the room and heaven knows what else while her friends went after her. Immature? Petulant? Egoistic? Non compromising? Varying opinions of her flooded my head.

I know my friend for at least 7 years now. He is not the sort of man to get angered easily. Not at work, not at personal level. I have never, ever seen him gone off at a tangent like that. Not even when someone tried to wreak his livelihood at work and "stabbed" him pointlessly. He just shrugged it off and well, ignored the pettiness around him. Hence, something about the whole wedding must have set him off.

I learnt that he had never intended to throw a wedding banquet. His wife had wanted a dinner party after the official registration of marriage and so he blew over $6k for a hotel party. Then excluding the cost of photography package where over 200pictures were selected, the bride demanded another wedding dinner which prob set him back by minimally another $30k. Frankly, it was all a waste of money.

In the room while waiting for the groom and bride to cool off, the best man confided in me what he thought of the bride - a materialistic "money grubber". The best man had not once, told the groom to halt the wedding if he has serious concerns but being typical chinese, the groom went ahead with the dinner despite much unwillingness.

Is this what marriage is about?
What a start to a life ahead together.

What startled me was how some of the girls said.
They had all pointed the fingers at the groom, yet no one had a word of rebuff for the bride. It was all very strange to me, for I had in my honest opinion felt both parties were at fault. The wife having to shoulder MORE responsibilities. For one, the husband had aleady explicitly told her a year ago that he didnt like her current Malaysian colleagues, yet she ignored his feelings and insisted on having the band as her bridal party. Secondly, she shouldnt have abused her husband verbally infront of his friends and hers, considering he had a drop too much and more than happy not to restrain his inner thoughts. Being more sober than he is, whatever domestic issues they have, it is best to settle behind close doors and not a power display show as to who has the last say.

I honestly do not think very highly of her "colleagues" as well. A bunch of inconsiderate gossip mongers who have no social awareness. I was told much later, they had deliberately ignored the groom in the morning and overplayed their hand, thus delaying the whole morning ceremony by 1.5hrs. So the groom had missed the ausipicious hour etc. Playin games is to enhance the mood and joy, bridal party must always know their place and necessary chinese custom to abide by. How would they like it is someone else messes up their own wedding?

As well, why must some women think it is a man's job to placate them? the bride simply refused to back down for something as minimal as "face" and "pride". How much is that worth in the long run? Dragging the scene and prolonging the fight with a tantrum is neither healthy nor necessarily "face saving". It is only a mirror of the personality that one has...and not a very flattering to crow about.

It's terrifying to think that alot of SG women are getting spoilt, taking their husband for granted, wanting all their partners to be henpecked and listen to them. They say it with much pride, that they wear the pants at home, forgetting that all men have pride and like to be respected equally. And these women wonder why their husbands stray and fell victim to affairs .... It is not unthinkable because these men are only able to assert themselves everywhere but home.

I have always believe that any couple's disagreement should be behind close door, between themselves. In that situation, I probably would have been equally mad as the bride but rather than venting it straight out at my husband, I would have clear the guests and trashed it out privately. It is pointless to fight before others, and especially when one has no clue to what had set the husband off.

That to me, is the difference between a marriage and a dating relationship. You have to work hard on a marriage, but u can confront and throw a relationship off anytime.

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