Had lunch with one of my HK friend today and we talked about some recent encounters we had with people around us, primarily their relationship problems that they like to drench us in.
The one thing my friend and I had in common is that, we dont agree with the often heard statements on "How lucky you are to meet a good husband.."
Luck may play 1% role in our relationship but excuse me, a good marital relationship isnt dominated by luck. 99% of it is about management of relationship, management of expectations, compromise and adjustments, shared values, efforts to go extra mile for the other party and lastly, do everything with a dash of optimism and forgetfulness.
"Forgetful" is useful in the aspect of fights and unhappy incidents where one dont dredged up old ancient history or fights , while Optimism is essential in every forward looking relationship where both welcomes each brand new day looking forward to good things in your life. Without all those ingredients and constant hard work, all relationships will be doom to fail eventually regardless what kind of man or woman one meets or get involved with. Relationship is also about communication and knowing what to expect when you get involved with someone, and asking yourself if the tradeoff or shortfall from your expectation is something you can live with. In the same brush, u have to rem that you aint that perfect and the other person reserve the right to evaluate you too.
You enter a relationship with BOTH eyes open, and you dont go in EXPECTING the other person to change for you. It doesnt happen that way, not unless that person is a spineless wimp and u are a domineering person. But even so in this case, both enter the relationship with one willing & expected to be dominated while the other calling the shots. However once u are committed, you close one eye. That's where adjustment of expectations and compromise comes in. Yet, I have heard many girls who complained about not getting their way or their other half dont do what they want. Hello? He is his own entity too, not your slave boy. If he has always exhibited those traits and habits, then dont complain about it when you commit yourself to him. It was your choice. Dont act like a spoilt princess about this and that.
Also, another rule that I hold close to my heart, dont air your dirty laundry esp in public forum. It's one thing to vent frustrations and problems with close frens over a meal and completely another to update your status with EMO messages. That is immature and childish and nonconstructive, if not destructive in long run. Dont ask for sympathetic votes because you are not that perfect and friends who go fawn over u or outpouring of "support" is doing your relationship more harm than good. What makes you think you are soooo perfect in the first place? Every couple has its ups and downs and couple tiffs, what makes you think your problem is such a big deal? Have you even done any self reflections before you start to bemoan about how "pathetic" your life is?
You might think you are soooo right, but not everyone will agree with your viewpoints. Writing it down not only damages your partner's image, it should gives an insight of how immature the author is. Over time, people will form their own perception about you and your partner. Seriously, is it necessary to broadcast to the whole world "if you are bored, upset or those cryptic I am so tired" messages? Even worse, some have daily blow by blow updates about their relationship status. It's mind boggling that some people find enjoyment in such activity.
To me, frankly, social platform is NOT a place to air your grievances about your relationship. Unlike a personal diary where u can bare your heart, social platform is at best for you to highlight happy or funny incidents, or daily mundane events or if pissed, its at people not closely related to you. If you truly cherish and treasure the relationship with that person, you should learn to hold your tongue or in this case, your fingers from writing something that is so widely read, for both of your sakes in the long run. Words once spoken cannot be taken back, just like words written cannot be erased once its out there. Be prepared to bear the consequences.
In the last 20 years, from stories and personal experience, I have come to discover there are TRULY alot of immature Chinese/Asian women out there who seemed to think that Mr Right comes in a cast and concrete package deal. That means, they dont have to do anything but expect the other half to dote on them and treat them like Queen. Much of these wrong thinking to do with the impractical and unrealistic idol Chinese dramas and ridiculous romance books that these silly girls grow up with, with some even spoilt with wrong encouragements from their parents that "My daughter is a princess and u must treat her like one."
Apart from those with relationship problems, I too find it annoying personally with girls who are only concerned about how they look, act helpless.
Just the other day, was watching this cooking program on TV with my Hubby. It was about making some korean noodle dish. This Korean girl who is also part program host was interviewing her Korean mum on how to make her fav noodle dish. Her mum was trying to teach her on TV how to slice the beef and carrots etc. The stupid Korean girl acted squeamish and so fucking useless like the beef was gonna bite her and she kept giggling senselessly, saying oh how difficult it is to make the dish. It's a slab of cook meat for heaven sake!!!! Her mum prob had enough of her bimbo laughs and took over the cutting instead. For some reason, she annoyed me and my husband tremendously. We had to change channel as we couldnt bear continuing with her silliness and incompetence.
It's one thing to not know how to do something and try, but I draw a line at someone trying to play the damsel in distress role over something so simple. It pissed me off. What era are we in? Didnt woman scream for equality treatment? If so, then please spare us the "acting so stupid and behave like all you are good at is slapping layers of makeup on your face with fake eyelashes and flashing polished nails" act. Looks fade girl, its what is left behind that is important and follows you for the rest of your life. So do yourself a favor, build yourself some spine and a good strong character that leaves a lasting impression. Cut the flimsy act if you crave for other people to take u seriously.