A fren shared with us recently that she had thought about going under the knife. I was kinda stunned and asked her why on earth would she think of something like that when she is only 33yr and especially when there is absolutely nothing wrong with her face.
She claimed that she has sagging eyelids. None that was noticeable to me nor my man. In fact the only thing that had stopped her in her track was $. Accordingly, she was quoted over SG$8k to have her lids done. The amount to me was frankly staggering ridiculous, especially when she isnt earning alot, but most of all, there is NOTHING WRONG with her face. Ok I will admit upfront I am the sort who is anti-cosmetic surgery and anti-tattoo without a real purpose. Basically I cherish my own skin that my parents gave me, and while making statement is all jolly good, I prefer something that is reversible.
I shared with her candidly that I didnt think it was necessary. Personally, cosmetic surgery to me is best suited for people with actual needs like some birth defects, or accident recovery or for some people who really do need the makeover to instill some self confidence through boosting their looks. Otherwise, it's really pure vanity misplaced.
Obviously my fren kept on talking about her other girlfriend who had cosmetic surgery done to her lower jaw, and how she was so "brave" that she had the operation done via inside the jaw rather than out so that it wont leave any visible scar.
I told her, obviously her friend had not learnt painful lessons from Michael jackson. My friend's defense was that he was a freak case. True but I asked her if she realised that cosmetic surgery will never be a one time thing. It's like telling a lie, you need one to cover the other over time. For some, they will never be completely satisfied because as we aged, our features and elasticity change etc, and there will always be more work to be done or redone. Then my fren tried to explain that she wont get addicted as she only got one tattoo and not more even though people said tattoo was addictive. I didnt want to remind her that she was bitching about the pain and honestly, I didnt even know wat kind of stand or statement she was trying to make by having her hip inked.
At the end of the day, it's not my decision and she isnt related to me for me to actually want to sway her off the track.
I know her desire for botox and cosmetic surgery stems from the fact that at 33yr, she still didnt have a boyfriend. Her last relationship being 11 yrs ago. Doesnt help her case when she has some expectation of the guy she wants to date, and the type of guys she wants to date frankly will not date her. I hate to say it but i can sense her desperation because she really isnt ugly but the only thing that stands between her and men, her plus size.
She is a big gal. Factually stating and not being malicious, the size of her thighs is prob about 2.5 of my arm. So she has alot on her and alot to work on... She is nice, sweet and a pleasant face, but the world is cruel against people of plus size, esp for gals. Men are visual creatures. I remembered once we went somewhere together and she seemed interested in the guy. We ended up chatting together and exchanged numbers. She was hoping the guy would call, but he didnt. I had to stop her from being stupid to want to call the dude at 3am after a few glasses of wine. I didnt tell her till this day that the guy had actually called me instead and it was obvious that the guy wasnt interested in big size gal regardless how chirpy or sociable she is.
I had desperately wanted to grab her by her arms and shake some senses into her, that in fact, rather than spend $8k on cosmetic surgery on something she didnt need, I had wanted to tell her she is better off to use that money to pay for personal instructor to get the weight off. I bet if she take off 10kg, she will be instantly attractive and open up her pool of men choices. Unfortunately, many women would rather take the easy way out than work on the problem...exercise.
She asked me how to get guys to like her, seemingly that I didnt have problems connecting with dudes. I could only tell her confidence in self and stop seeing every guy as a potential catch coz it scares guys off. Plus, the fact that she "wanted to be wanted" makes guys wary and cautious around her. Now that isnt something that will exactly help sparks fly is it? ...
Let's face it, guys are often wary about gals who are overly desperate. Men in general prefer the thrill of the chase, they dont want someone easy or waiting for them to scoop them up.
Sigh...I can only hope one day my fren will wisen up, and stop relying on quick fix, waste money on fortune tellers, and just be brave enough to take a good hard look at the real problem. God gives me strength to have the courage to tell her in her face that her obesity is one major obstacle for her. All good and well to celebrate being true to yourself, but another to be a complete sloth and expect someone else to accept that.