Saturday, August 6, 2011

Life as I know it or sometimes... hear about it.

Time flies. 

End of August after my Jap paper was time again to make a quick escape back to Singapore. Primarily it was to escape the renovation noise from my neighbor, secondly was just to see my dog. Damn I miss that rascal too much, and I know he missed me too judging from the way he endlessly seek my attention, affection and presence.

It was a short trip of a week. Tried to squeeze as many people but as usual, didnt get to meet everyone I wanted to see but most of those I wanted did materialise. Caught up with some "new" people, by that I meant people I have not seen for a mighty over-a-decade interval in between. I almost couldnt recognise some. Pretty sure if I had bumped into her along the streets, I would not have called out to her coz I didnt know how much the years between us have changed her. 

For anyone, I tend to stay clear of certain topics I think its up to the person to bring up since I know how it feels like to have a meal with nosy people who loves to provoke me by asking stupid questions about kids and work. I only wish some people could have afforded me the same courtesy. As if I need to live my life to match anyone else's measuring yardstick or in accordance to "social norm". 

It wasnt on the way back when my other gf was giving me a lift back that I learnt that our common fren did get married but I suppose it wasnt a very happy marital life. I dont know if it has to do with inter-racial Indian-Chinese marriage thing or people just drift apart after awhile. Pretty sure it has nothing to do with the recent "Cook a pot of Curry" incident. heh. I didnt probe but I do pray they work it out somehow. 

This trip back, having chat with several people, I discovered that many friends of mine who married early in mid twenties do not seem to be very happy in their marriage. Maybe those who married later are still enjoying their "honeymoon years"or they already had enough fun and mentally ready to settle down.  Hearing so much of those unexpected stories have really immunised me from being surprised. My eyes dont even blink anymore when I hear anymore of those "straying" stories. Then again, I am pretty liberal so not many things will unfazed me.

I dont judge my friends, not because they are my friends or that what they do is really none of my biz, but rather perhaps with age, one learned that every man or woman has a reason for making their choices in life and we are in no position to maintain our moral high grounds and impose our values and beliefs on other people. It's not like we are still 16years old or even 26years still craving to have a wild time or fun or "searching for love".

While I am sure we have all at one point or another done some really crazy things in those moment we just wanted to feel free but as we get older, we know this isnt it. Being older over 30s, most of us will have common sense, we know the stakes and we know the consequences. So for someone to do or be tempted to do something "out of the extraordinary" that is probably "unforgivable" to many others esp over a period of time, there is always a root cause, a reason not for outsider to play judges.

So my role is to listen and be a neutral company. Sometimes I would ask more just for curiosity sake, sometimes for conversation sake, sometimes to allow the other person to unleash their inner thoughts and emotion struggles. One dont go around bragging or offhandedly tell someone else "Hey by the way I had an affair with someone else." It's not something one would say easily unless u think you can trust that person, not necessarily to sympathise but rather not to lay blame on you when the cat is out of the bag.

For some reason, I somehow earned myself the privilege to be a magnet for such confessions involving "Matters of the heart". Most of the time, I would eventually forget those stories not because I didnt care but rather I shouldnt hoard on to other people's stories. However some are truly too surprising to wipe clean especially pertaining to the people they cheat with. I had to go "Seriously?! Really?! HIM?!HER?!!" 

Some stories left me more pensive when one of them told me how her exposed affair nearly destroyed her career and her mental stability where she attempted to take her own life. Luckily she failed or I wont be able to have that drink with her. It was a good thing her husband loved her so much to take her back despite all the storm. Now the only thing that stopped her from ever repeating history was the fact she didnt want to inflict anymore pain on her partner. One thing she said stuck in my head, being that "Some of us out there neither loved our partner nor our lover, we just love ourselves the most." I still havent really fathom what she meant by that. If she only loved herself, then why did she fall apart from the betrayal of her lover? Perhaps there was something she didnt share with me. Looking at the beautiful woman laughing before me, no one will ever guess about the emotional scars that is hidden within her.   

Then another friend shared that she suspected her husband was cheating on her. Ok if he wasnt cheating on her, then someone need to explain to me why would he be partying every Fri, Sat and sometimes not even come home for a few days. Someone told her that there were twitter clues to his cheating with someone from his work but my gf seem to shut down and prefer to live in denial. When she told me her story, I didnt jump on the usual "divorce" him wagon. Instead, I asked her "What do you want? Do you still want to work on this marriage?" It's easy to feel hurt, get angry by betrayal but at the end of the day, one has to figure out if the marriage is worth saving. Sometimes, second chances work in life. That's what I learnt from all these martial affairs stories. 

Anycase, I didnt say much except the choice is in her hands. It's one thing to want to remain blind and married, but another to remain stupid and unprepared. She should investigate the truth of matters and armed herself with information rather than be a stupid sitting duck and go hysterical the day he choose to initiate a divorce and stand to lose everything. She told me his religion would forbid him to divorce her, I told her to wake up. His religion would have prevented him from cheating on her too if it had meant anything to him. 

So the week came and went. A myriad of stories. A friend first shared her joy of being preggy only to share few days later the devastating news of having to terminate the pregnancy due to complications. Another friend shared his woes about his recent divorce and child custody battle. I then have my own share of family drama with the loser leech that refused to exit gracefully. I suppose every family have our own unpleasant skeletons to deal with. I suppose this is life as I know it.

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