Sunday, August 7, 2011

Thank u to those that had once mattered, and still do.

Do u still hang out with people u used to date?

I do, though if things dont work out, I have to do the icy queen bitch thing for a year first and not do the "let's be friends" route till at least half a year of "cooling off" or "mourning" has passed. (sorrry!) If we survived after that interval, then yeah most times, things tend have a happier ending and work out better after the wound had healed. Sometimes questions still lingered in the air as to what had gone wrong but in life, we just move on and leave the past behind. 

In a not-so-recent rare dinner with a couple of friends brought together to share a meal thanks to "my return", my gf finally asked me a question she had been itching to ask for maybe say last 10 odd years when the guy stepped away. "Seriously you have to tell me. Did you two ever dated?" she begged for an answer.

To be honest, I was rather taken aback because I didnt see that coming and I didnt know how to reply her. People who are close to me will probably know I guard certain aspect of my relationship privacy rather fiercely like an air-tight container. I dont usually let on who I had dated or were dating saved for the inner circle. "Kiss and tell-it-to-all" is so low. So this question stumped me because I didnt know how honest I wanted to be with her and I didnt want to lie in case word get back to him creating misunderstanding. Yet I had to think of the implication of a flippant answer that may draw a wrong conclusion since his wife whom I knew, didnt know we had once dated. Damn these moments that sneak up on you.

Technically I really didnt enter a serious relationship with him. There was a spark but it was snuffed pretty quickly after a few dinner dates, mainly from a mis-sent sms. The bane of technology and a hand that pressed a wrong button....So there was a period of coldness, disdain and hurt primarily from his side and "apologetic-ness" on my part. I didnt want to rehash or describe the uncomplicated moment we had shared with a third party but I didnt want to pretend like our path never crossed either. I suppose my hesitation and contemplation on how best to respond to her was an answer enough and my gf went "I knew it! You two had something going on."

I didnt want to encourage her wild imagination so I had to tell her it was something a long time ago and we didnt really go very far, by that I meant emotionally. However I asked her why did she ask and she said "because I can tell that he is always extra nice to you even till now. He wouldnt make the extra effort if you aint here."Moreover, her line of question was also mooted by something I did unconsciously earlier. While sharing different meal set, I had offered a spoonful to him for tasting and he had just simply ate off my outreached spoon. Honestly, it didnt even occur to me that it should mean anything but my gf said he would normally just grab the spoon off the other party than be spoon fed. Oh for thought. I never read that much into simple acts as such especially since we are all settled down with our own partners happily. Do we need to draw such a distinct line amongst friends? Seriously, dont other people eat off a friend's outreached spoon? No? Really?? Thankfully his return to the dining table was her cue to stop badgering me and a topic left dead for good.

My gf's statement however did leave me pondering and reflecting on the guys I had been with. I must say most of the guys I had been on dates with are decent lovely blokes that will make any mother proud. Am I getting older and hence more sentimental? Come to think of it, would I have felt offended if he had taken the spoon from me instead? Hahaha. Maybe I should try this on different guy friends in future to weigh in on their responses for the sake of evaluation.

Jokes aside. The fact that I am still able to sit down together to share a meal with some of these chaps without awkwardness, share a joke like old time friends and leaving the "broken past" behind is something I truly appreciate and cherish. A few still take me out for meals whenever I can spare the time on my return trip and I hadnt even think twice about how fortunate I am to be this "pampered". Sometimes I may even have forgotten I had once dated them because over the years, our relationship had evolved to a comfortable friendship like a snug old T-shirt u want to curl up in. I suppose what my gf had said, about them still being that super duper nice to me really struck a chord and had me realised these guys I had dated really have one sweet common trait -a big care-bear heart.

My partner was sharing with me just last night about gals he had dated in the past due to some facebook updates. It was quite funny really hearing him describe the incidents he had with them though some he would shudder and say he rather Not spill the beans. Only spike my curiosity more...heee... I will worm it out from him one day...However unlike mine, he dint seem to share so much positive memories about this exs as I do about mine, maybe because he was more in a hurry to get rid of them or like I teased him, he was just a dating-whore! LOL!  

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