Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Another year passed, another year wiser

Despite being far from my usual friends in Singapore, I am blessed enough to still receive some presents and dinner treats for Birthday this year from my Hong Kong frens, and a card. Sad huh, one card...

Sure, I had gotten alot of Facebook, and sms birthday greetings but I cannot keep those can I?  It's just plain sad that with technology advancement, it had gotten rid of the simple sweet gesture. Why do people not send cards anymore? So I should count myself lucky that at least one fren still gave me one. Hahaha!

I think once you pass some age, one just stopped counting how old one gets. I think mine stopped at 27yr old. Yeah, that's when I felt ancient enough to stop counting. When people asked me how old I am now, I paused to think. I really had forgotten. The numbers had no bearing on me for now, well until the 40 comes round, which isnt too far away so I was told...scary! Will I still be the same, silly, crazy, and whatever that I am now? 

Noticed alot of my friends had changed, esp those with kids. Nothing wrong with that except they just seemed all grown up. The guys hadnt changed too drastically in all honesty, still the same playful lot but the ladies...hmmm...they just I dont morphed into another being. It's nothing bad, it's just like suddenly they seemed to be plucked from the same world as I am in, and transported and undergone some alien transformation and turned out different. All serious, and singularly focused on only one thing -kids. I mean its not just the mentality, its the looks as well. At least half of them just looked...matured suddenly. Do child bearing really alter the hormones and mindset so much? Dear lord....I cannot imagine the rest of my life tethered to one singular being. Even after marriage, I cannot stand losing my privacy, how does having a kid not conflict with that string desire to be alone at times? I guess they are mutually exclusive, at least for their growing years huh. Then again, as all well meaning frens will tell me, "You will change when u have one". Sure, that's what they say to me when I got married but I havent change one bit. I still dont check my phone the whole time I hang out with my friend. I still dont "report" my whereabouts regardless. I still dont share my password to any of my accounts nor have open access with each other's account. Mine is mine and his is his. Is that so strange? 

I asked my husband if it was just me being odd ball, and getting all crazy in the head but no, he seemed to notice the same thing. He was lamenting how all his female frens seemed to be so kid obssessed too and plastered every living detail of their kids on FB every available min. It was driving him insane and he had to secretly opt to hide their post so that he can get a break from more "My kids are so cute" pixs. Sure, we share your delight in your kids, and some of the silly stuff they do, but I cannot imagine either of us being so absorbed. Does that mean we are naturally bad parents to be? So maybe its a good thing we are not.  I asked him will we ever want to change the way we are? We stared at each other and went "nooooooooooo" like 2 kids being told Santa was a fraud. Maybe that's why its hard to imagine us as parents, because basically, we are still 2 big kids ourselves, or as we were repeatedly told by our parents, and sales people who often laughed at our banters. 

I rem having a conversation with a friend, not a close fren, just somesome I knew over the years through friendster back then and we somehow clicked and met up. She asked me "dont you want to leave a piece of yourself after you are gone?" refering to having kids. I told her I didnt see the need to. I mean when I am gone, I am gone from this world right? Why do I need to leave any piece of myself behind? I mean, if I really want kids, I can adopt right? Plenty of poor orphaned kids out there that can do with a good family. I am seriously toying with that idea. However, her response was "but you cannot possibly love another as much as your own." Now, that is stupid. really stupid thing to say. I told her I disagree. My mum used to babysit a kid since she was 1 month old and I loved her with all my heart and was totally heartbroken when she left us at 1year old. There is nothing to say that you cannot love someone just because they are not blood related. If that is so, hello, how can you say you love your husband as much as your own family? Wont that be self contradictory? Of course I didnt say that to her. I just shrugged it off and told her I disagree and left it as that. 

Back home, i repeated the story to my husband. He was equally appalled by the idea that you cannot love an adopted child as much as your own because you aint blood linked. he thought she was being egoistic. I mean, love is unconditional, which is why we can love other people and animals like dogs wholeheartedly, not to mention someone whom you live with, care for, and share your bread with.

Meanwhile, another year had galloped past me and soon, hopefully my life will always remain such a great life, thanks to my very hard working doting husband. 

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