16 oct: make peace?

Finally he decided to make peace after a series of exchange on watsapp. This time round in gonna keep it n so the next time he so decide to shout at me again I'm gonna remind him with this. 

I'm assuming he's making peace coz his folks are here. Watever. 

He kept asking "so we are good?"

I just replied "yah" with not much enthusiasm. 

Not sure if he was trying to convince me or him and he repeated his question in a light banter mode. "So we are good right?" So I replied yes again. 

That seemed to cheer him right up. 

That's see how long this lasts. 

All the incompetent people

The lite one was nitemarish today. Don't want his breakfast, cry and cry and refuse his eve milk. I got really fed up n left him to his cot to cry n plug my ear phone while I wash the bottles. His father can either pick him up or let him cry. 

Either the father is hard at hearing which I doubt, or he just couldn't be bothered enuff till a full blown 10mins passed before he came to check. By that time I have finish washing the bottles. 

Anycase, he gone off to fetch his folks. I was having difficulty trying to feed the baby and he has to poo. Great. That means he isn't gonna finish his milk after 100ml. 

While I was so busy the home phone rang. I couldn't be bothered. The maid answered and came to the room, saying someone on the phone. 

Look Miss stupid, can't u see the baby is fussing and my hands are full? What do u want me to do? So I told her curtly "well find out who it is n TALK to the person. Can't u see I'm busy?

She went off n 1 min later say "it's sir's mum. They are at airport." And I told her "so? What do u want me to do? I'm not going to airport. They want to find him they should call him. "

I'm sick n tired of everyone looking for me. I'm not PA to anyone. He's your son go look for him yourself. He wants to dilly dally procrastinate to leave him it's your problem not mine. I wash my hands off. 

Meanwhile bloody landlord contractor fuck up again. I had to chase him for the faulty aircon remote after a month. The landlord pa call me back to say the fucker told my landlord nothing wrong with remote. I was shit pissed. The fucker again delayed his delivery of maid stairs replacement . From 10 days wait after 1.5 month I'm still waiting n chasing. Fucker. 

I'm surrounded by arseholes. Incompetent arseholes.

15 Oct: Tired

So yesterday came and went. Mr was in good mood coz he didn't have to look after baby. 

While I was feeding baby lunch, he came to is and said "Daddy got himself a present. Guess what?" I have absolutely zero interest and honestly I just want to feed my son and then Rush to pump milk while baby good mood last. Seeing no reaction from me, he whip out the apple box and happily declared his new Apple iPhone. Wow jolly good for u. I'm glad at least one of us is happy and get to go shopping. Anycase the phone isn't for me why should I be happy. 

I merely asked politely so wat colour he has gotten. Silver he said. Ok I

Said. It was like an after thought that he asked me "oh u don't want yours yet right?" Yah I replied. My phone still working. 

So off I went to wash bottles n busy with baby and he hid himself in the study to install his brand new phone. Horray for u. 

He saw me getting the stuff to bathe baby at 5pm and he just came in to say hello n disappeared. Again, doesn't bother me since my son is pretty well behaved n contented with just me. We play with his toys in water and I carried him and let him have a "fake" swim in water after his bath. He likes his frog kicks this little one. 

After bath baby started to get cranky n it was sleep time. While I

Was putting baby to sleep, I heard his father took the bottles to wash. I decided I will stop saying thanks. I just carry on to prep baby next meal. Why bother to say thanks when it's not appreciated and I still get shouted at whenever u feel like it.  Plus I NEVER asked u to wash it. I could have wash the bottles myself after baby sleep. 

Apart from baby, now that his folks are coming, I, not him, have the job of getting the room ready, including changing the curtains to the proper blackout ones. Thats me hooking the curtains n hanging the fucking heavy thing. That's me clearing the cabinet to make space. That's me asking maid to change bedsheets and me washing all the sheets  n covers because my maid can't cope and she's very bad at multitasking. 

Night time came. It's me having to read n correct maid's meal list for next few days. It's me paying bills online. It's me reminding him to take baby car seat n pram out of car to make space for luggage. It's me putting baby to sleep and prep maid on wat to buy for grocery while he decides to go jogging. He asked me "oh wat day is our relatives arranging to take mum and dad out for lunch?" I replied "can't rem" if I had told u before n u can't rem, why is it still my job to remind u if I couldn't care less? I could check my phone since his relatives text me but I don't want to make that extra effort anymore. I don't see why I have to be your PA anymore since u gave me so much shit since we had the baby. In total I must have cried like at least 6 times over the last 6 months. U have shouted and made me cried in front of my maid on her first day at work, and basically I don't even have a shred of face value left. Why should I care about your face anymore? Ur relatives, u handle them even though I like them n they have been very nice to me.  

Anycase, I knew it will be a long night when the lite one refuse his dream feed at midnight. His last feed was 8.30pm and I knew he will wake in middle of the night from hunger. So I forgo my usual midnight pumping n went to bed at 1.30am after I put watever I wanted to cook in pots for tmw.

At 3.30am baby woke n so I crawled out of my half of my single bed n went to make milk. After I fed him and put him to

His cot, I went out to pump milk at 4am.i crawled back to sleep at 4.30am n baby kept me awake with his whimpering at 5.30am and while he fell back asleep at 6.30am, I got up at 7.30am to pump till 8am and started cooking baby breakfast.

I was hungry but no chance of eating if I need to clear my list. I dunno why the maid will hassle me instead of my husband for marketing money. Why she won't open her fuckinv mouth last night I don't know. So I had to waste time look for money for her.

At 8.30am, had to wake baby to feed him milk. He went back to sleep till 9.30am while I washed the bottles n prep extra pork broth for next few days to store in freezer.

I woke the lite one up but the shithead refuse to eat his solids today. I guess he is used to 2 hours interval. So I had to throw everything away and wash up. His father decided to wake earlier to say hi to baby n then went back his room to

Do watever he does. 

He came out at 10.30am n asked "do u need me to cook you breakfast?" Do I look stupid? If I say yes, then u will use it against me later. So I said No. I will cook mine later myself. He didn't insist m went to cook his own breakfast while I went to keep the folded clothes and wash baby laundry n wash the cooking pots since the maid never wash the pots properly n stains normally stay there so I rather scrub it clean myself. 

Baby was a fuss pot today n won't sit quietly so I had to strap him up in sling bag n carry him today while cooking. Not ideal but no choice. 

I was chatting with baby, put him in his high chair while eating. He happy watched me eat. I told him no going out today coz mummy busy. His father overheard and said "oh I can take him out later to starbucks or something" I just kept quiet. In my head I was thinking how to? Later lunch and milk is bath time. Where got time to take him out? Not like u r bathing him. I dunno why he decided to carry his son but I didn't say anything. I guess no work involved since I have already calm the baby down after carrying him while cooking. Now I'm eating n baby happily sitting in his chair, u decide u want to come carry him. How convenient. 

I went to get his milk n while the milk was warming, I went to put away bottles etc after sterilisation n continued to do laundry. He could just wait till I get back n not start feeding him even though he saw milk was ready. I just took baby from him n he went off. All these 2-3hours in the morn, he didn't even noticed I didn't say a word to him. 

My maid I don't even know why the stupid one always ask me wat time is my lunch when she knows she cannot have it ready by 12.30pm. She always takes 3 hours to come back so why fucking waste my breath!?! 

Baby fell asleep on his own at 12.30pm n so here I am sleep deprived n pumping though my eyes are screaming to shut them. But if I don't get this out in writing, I might seriously get sick from bottling everything in. This is my outlet. My sanity sanctuary. 

My husband decided to play mr nice again, and came to room to offer me a peeled prawn from lunch. Offered to take food to room for me. I said no to everything. I don't need u to show affection when u feel like it. I can take care of myself. I honestly don't need u. 

I just need sleep. Not food. But of course I will not say that because even if it's just a passing remark in conversation that I woke at 3am, u will use it against me like last time, saying that by telling u that forces u to feel guilty that u r obliged to help with baby. So to me, I'm not even allowed to have conversation and state something that happened and risk u seeing it as guilt trap. No, I will shut my mouth, blog n u just leave me and my son alone. 

14 oct: Day after

After the big rant and dissing me about why I need other people to help with caring of the baby, I absolutely refuse to let him do anything or carry the baby. No thank you, I don't need to be shouted at since I don't know if you are going to categorise that as "helping" me or u r just playing but I rather err on side of caution and just take baby away since I don't want to be accuse "useless" indirectly. 

So my day still starts at 6.30am. I was mincing the pork at 8.30am n he come to

Kitchen to hush me to keep the chopping volume down coz it interrupts his sleep. Can I say it? I will say it. In my head I was thinking "fucker"

Anycase I made baby lunch n dinner congee, fed the baby milk, I pump milk, wake the baby to feed solid, wash bottles, take baby out buy grocery, come back feed milk, put baby to sleep, wash bottles, eat lunch, and the "I m the father" decides he wants to play with baby on the bed where I can watch him while I was washing bottle. After I was done, he carried baby to living room to play ball. I went to him and asked "are u playing with him or u are watching him?" 

He said "both"

Straightaway I took the baby off the ground and carried him n told his father "no thanks, I can watch him myself" and I brought him back to his bedroom to play and pump milk at the same time. Don't try to pretend everything is ok after u lash out on me. U want to be those good time daddy and nothing else then don't come near my son and say that u are helping me. I don't need your help n even if I die trying, I rather die than open my mouth to ask u to help wat him anymore. It's easy for me. I don't have to get angry at being malign anymore and i just don't allow grey area anymore to exist. From now on, I will always clarify if he is just wanting to play. I don't ever want to hear the words "I'm helping you" ever again since it seems as if it's more MY son than OURS since he is using the word "helping YOU". 

He tried to be "nice" and offered to wash the bottles saying he had time. I took the pail of bottles away from him and tell him don't need. I can do it myself. I will not give u the satisfaction of playing Mr nice guy as and when it suits u. Of course he is more than happy to go back to his room to do his watever stuff I don't care anymore. I don't fucking care wat time he goes to sleep anymore since he's not helping me lookout for baby waking while I pump. Last night I just sit in the dark in baby room to pump. At least even when he cries I can just take out my pump n carry him. 

There's a chinese saying 

靠人不如靠自己 and 死也不会求你

So at least I can proudly say "I raise my son", not "We raise our son"

13 oct: being shouted at again

I thought about whether to publish or not and decided why not? At least this will keep a record of how many times I have been unfairly been berated at. 

I was being shouted at again today. 

For no good reason he just yelled fuck while I Was feeding baby. I ran out with baby asking what happened and within a min, he lashed out at me, claiming that i deprived him of any time to do anything for himself. I didn't even know where that outburst came from.

The day had started out good for me. I dashed out of the house in the morn to go bank to take money for my maid for her salary. She wanted to go off today to remit money to her family and to buy her own food. She was supposed or had offered to cook me my lunch last night but today she suddenly told me she can't. 

I was rushing to meet Kelly n running late at 10.30am instead of 10am so I just let my maid go. 

When I got home at 11.30am, I was surprised to see him at home and asked how come. His chinese lesson was cancelled last min. I told him to carry the baby for 10mins while I defrost his breastmilk n prepping to feed him. Meanwhile in that 10mins, I was clearing the mountain load of bottles, plates n bowls for baby when I fed him this morn. I was also chatting to him happily with no sign of displeasure from him. 

I had woke up at 6.45am. In fact I fell off the bed coz I was so tired n lost my balance. I had went to bed at 3.30am last night again getting ready the raw ingredients for baby breakfast. I pump at 7-7.30am. I fed baby at 7.40am. I put him back to sleep and started to steam baby squash n carrot and cook his congee at 8am. 

I went back to try to finish my milk pump At 8-8.30am. I went to kitchen to grind baby food and finish cooking the congee. It was 9.15am. I woke baby n he finall woke at 9.30am while I finish storing the purée. At 9.30am I started feeding him squash oat cereal till 9.45am. 

I changed him and wipe down and was out of house by 10.05am. I met Kelly in landmark at 10.30am grab my Stuff and rushed back home to feed baby. I reached home about 11.30am and that was my only time in asking him to

Hold baby 10mins while I Got his milk.

I told him maid decided she can't cook my lunch. I ask him if he is having lunch home he said no. I said ok n will tell maid I'm using the salmon for lunch. I only asked if he had time to cook my lunch but I said if he was busy it's ok. 

I started feeding baby at 11.50am. I saw my husband getting the rice. I didn't think much of it. 

Baby pooed half way feeding and all I did was to ask him to get a plastic bag when he asked if I needed help. That was all. 

After I cleaned him up, I continued feeding and that was when he shouted a very loud fuck n table slamming. I rushed out with baby thinking he hurt himsf and that's when he started shouting at me saying he can't go gym etc. he can't go to fucking gym n he yell at me. 

I said to him calmly to just go gym n I will do my own lunch. He said no mood now.  He just went on berating me, saying I take up so much of his time. He went on to sarcastically said that I accuse him of not handling stress n he was offended. He said he's doing so much thing. Search for job, look after baby etc. he say he don't understand why he had to spend so much time with baby. 

I have no idea where that outburst came from. In fact after the first time he yelled at me, I had never asked him to care for baby n I did almost everything myself. It was only last 2 days when I was sleep deprived coz baby had nitemares n I didn't hear him cry when he woke in the 4pm cycle n he had to look after him. I was asleep I admit for that 2 hours n I woke up with a start to feed baby but he said he had bathe n fed up. That moment I was very grateful n had said thanks to him n I really appreciate his help. He had said no problem as he knew I was tired. He had did that himself n yet today he BLAME me for wasting his time. I don't get it. On one hand u appear to want to help but deep down u are resentful u need to help. It wasn't like I was shopping or idling and yet he still wanted to shout at me for taking up

His time. His previous 4 hours max in a whole day and that was TOO much for him. How about me? Minus 3hours sleep, and that ocassion 3-4hrs help from him to watch baby while I pump

Milk or prep his meal, wat about those 16hrs i slave without a word? 

I Told him I had apologised way too many times for the one thing I had said like many many months back. That I said he lashing out at me coz he was under stress. He held that against me. Even after I apologised for that during our first fight, However everytime he feel like lashing out he will repeat the same thing like I have never apologised. I said what does he expect from me? Grovel? Kneel down? I said I have already apologised for that one slip n after that I had been very conscious of wat I said ever since. In fact so much so that I don't even say anything back anymore coz it's pointless and he seem to take it as I concede he was right. So wat he wants from me? 

He said I never apologised n I said I did with clear conscience. I said he even apologised back at me once for shouting at me again over the same thing coz he was stressed. He was the one who repeatedly said he was under stressed and I never once said or make reference to it. Yet he turned it around to accuse me of saying things I had never once said. He accused me of saying he was useless n I said I have never ever said that to him. He changed his stance n said I implied. I said I never did and it was him who thought that way. Yet he insisted everything is my help because he see me so busy n feel obliged to help. He said I CANT cope with stress (oh really?) but yet he was the one who always shout at me n I have never started a fight with him. 

I told him then don't help me if u are going to help me. Don't help and then snap at me. I said from now on I will Exoecf him to do anything for baby. Not like he was doing a lot anyway. At most I just have to give up breastfeeding. . He said that's not right either. I said then when am I Suppose to know it's ok to ask him for help and when not to? He never answered me. 

To me, I see him watch movies online, videos or FB etc instead of studying n he tell Me to shut up when I ask Him to study instead don't waste time. He claimed he need to unwind. He said he is tired from only studying from 10pm onwards to 2am. But you expect to do absolutely nothing for baby when u come home at 2 or 3pm? Usually I only see if u have time to watch him while I pump the 5pm session that's like 45mins. 

 And when I'm Too tired n fell asleep without hearing the baby, u choose to look after baby but then u yell at me now for the fact that u had to spend time to Do it. I told him don't help if u r going to be so upset. Don't. Because I will melt down next time when u shout at me again. I said I have tried my best. I know he was tired I even took baby out to buy lunch back for him on Sunday when I'm the one who only slept 3 hours n he had more than 6hrs. 

 I said I don't even ask him to Wash bottles coz I know he's busy. I said I dunno how else more I can do short of completely treating him as invisible. He has no answer for me. I said he hardly even thank me for good job or trying. All I

Hear is waves n waves of criticism and accusation. 

I said it's his long job search that's causing him stress n there's nothing I can help him with on that. How many wife will not even contest the sale of our apartment proceeds to go 100% to him with a million profit? Despite everything I spend effort in caring for the house I get not a penny n I didn't even say anything because I thought marriage was joint sharing n he needs the money more since he is jobless. Instead of seeing it as me being understanding he took it for granted that I shouldn't get a penny from the sale proceeds. 

I'm tired. Tired of him being unreasonable n lashing at me. 

His relative SMS me to ask me why isn't he helping me more and looks like I'm doing everything. I didn't know wat to say. Tell the truth? No. I just say he's busy with his chinese class. What else can I say? I'm even too tired to talk to anyone to let off steam. In fact I don't even have time. 

He implied I'm useless. He said he don't understand why I need so Much help from other people. I don't know wat he meant by that. The maid does housework n cooking. I did everything else. Who is the many help he referring to? When did I ask anyone else? Even his sisters have his mum to run to. Who can I run to for moments I need to sleep? No one. If he don't want to offer his time let me have abit of sleep time, then I don't get any but he is all so wrap up about himself that he has never put himself in my shoes. 

He even expect me to plan something for his birthday. He seem displeased that I have no energy left to hunt for restaurant that will accommodate him his folks n baby. He still wanted to dine out for dinner but I had to say no. Lunch at best with baby. Does he understand his lifestyle had to change? No. Very clearly no. He just want a son to play with and that's it. I knew I should never agree to a child though I have no regrets with my boy. I'm sorry u had to see mum n dad argue n mum cry. He turned all quiet n stare at me when I cried. Looking at that expression I had to force myself to stop n smile at him n pretend I'm fine. My husband of course don't give a shit. 

Why wouldn't u bring your key?!!!

There's a building power shutdown for 2 hours at home yesterday, so mummy took (spontaneous) refuge at her fav Starbucks since baby woke up from lack of fan:) thank goodness for free wifi here:) life is good. 

That is until the idiotic helper called to ask why didn't I tell her I'm heading out coz she didn't bring her keys when she went marketing and now she's stuck outside. 

My first reaction to her was "Why do I HAVE to tell you I'm going out?" It's like hello u ain't my mother and I don't even tell my mum where I'm going since I hit uni. Are u kidding me? Plus I gave you home key to use, that means u r expected to take it with u when u go out!!

In this case I was still 15min cab ride from home so I can cut short n go home. However what if I had decided to venture further? 

She replied that she didn't think I will be out. I feel like telling her don't think. Everytime u assume, you really make  a mess.

I didn't get too mad at her n she knows she screwed up. Irritating

5 oct: Start of making baby food

The honeymoon is over and at 6 months, the real journey begins..whe everyone told me to try few days each time for new food, my PD didn't seem too concern with the vege saying rarely babies get allergies with those in list. I prob shorten test to 2 days instead of 4days for veges else it will take me forever to get thru the list!

In addition to what my PD gave me on list of food for baby to eat, been getting good tips n advices from various gfs who has already completed the trials and tribulations of infanthood for their child. Advantages of being mother last! Lol!

So did what my fren told me, to debone Ikan, wash n fry dry n grind to power. 

Today decided to start on congee for the little one. Don't really need a slower cooker I find. Just have to let it simmer for 2 hours. Easy breezy. 

1. First, got daddy to buy lean meat yesterday. Froze it and slice it to desired size. Cut away any visible fats. Store excess meat. 

2. A palmful of rice with 4 small bowls of water. Throw in meat to add flavor

3. Let it cool and mash it further to make it more watery for first taste! It smell sooo nice!!! Fragrant!!

Baby loved it! More than apple purée for sure!! He lapped up more than a teaspoon! Mummy finished the red of course!

Crazy cycle. 1-3hr sleep. How long more?

The sleep pattern changed again. From my good little boy who sleeps from 10pm to 7.30am, he suddenly decides to wake me up at 5am every single fking day for the past 2 weeks. 

But because I don't want to restart his night feeding at 5am, I had to let him wait it out till 6.30am or 7am depending. But I don't get any sleep while waiting. 

After feeding him, it's 45mins of pumping while entertaining the little monkey. Then had to put him to bed at 9am. 

9.15-9.30am dealing with maid n her marketing list since she is sooooo fucking useless that I cannot give her free rein or she will buy rubbish back. 

9.30-10am will be washing pumps n bottles

10am- 10.30an will be cooking breakfast n eating.

10.30-10.45am: do baby laundry

11am - 11.15am : baby wakes and change diaper n wipe down

11.15-11.45am: play with baby since he won't sit or play by himself

11.45- 12.10pm: prep milk for feeding

12.15-1pm: play with baby and eat lunch

1-1.45pm: change diaper, put baby to bed, pump milk

1.45pm-2pm: wash bottles n sterilise

2pm: prep baby food. Wait for baby wake

2.30pm: feed baby taster solid

2.30-3.30pm: entertain baby 

3.30-4pm: pass baby to dad. 

4pm: get milk ready

4-4.10pm: feed baby

4.10-4.45pm: play with baby

4.45-5.15pm: bath baby

5.15-5.30pm: give baby dinner

5.30-6pm: put baby to sleep. Pump milk. 

6-7pm: . Wake baby at 7pm

7-8pm: dinner. 

8pm: feed baby

8.15pm - 10pm: play with baby. Hubby help if free

10pm 10.30pm: put baby to sleep

10.30-11.30pm: pump milk

11.45pm: Dream feed baby. 

12.30am-1.30am: check email, pay household bills, buy groceries online, buy baby stuff etc.

2am: sleep (with baby). (Provide baby don't have nitemare n wake every hour) 

5am-5.30am: pump milk

The whole cycle begins. 

When I look at the time chart, I don't get why my hubby thinks he help me a lot and complain HE don't get to rest. Like as if I'm fuckinv shaking leg???

He def did help but I don't think it's 50-50 which he seems to think so. Everytime I pop into his study room he's fucking surfing Internet but keep telling me he's busy. When I raised the issue he's wasting time he claim he needs to unwind. Do I see ME unwinding??? U get to sleep in till 9-10am and u want to Bitch about being tired and tell me to leave u alone. 

Great. Thanks for such appreciation.

And stop telling me to quit Breast feeding because it inconvenience YOU and hide it behind the pretext I'm not getting enough rest. If u watch less tv, read less shit online n fb less, and Help me, then perhaps I can rest more 

.

Forgetting things is a norm??

I know my maid always forgets things, so I tried to help her by guiding her to make a list. Because she is so disorganised, I told her to write down what she intends to cook for each meal, plan and write down the ingredients ahead so that when she goes marketing, she is well prepared.

Yet even with such planning, EVERY alternate marketing days, she will come back after 3 hours and then tell me "oh I forgot xxx" So she will need to go out another 2 hours to rectify her mistakes. When it happens the first few times, I was ok and brush it off as accidents. However it keep happening every week and I'm getting annoyed. How do u forget things??? U pay and take the things n go. Once in a while I get it, but every other day? 

What annoys me too was how she NEVER tells us what she fail to buy, either coz not enough cash or whatever other reason. We don't have an issue with her missing out buying stuff due to lack of cash but we have told her before to inform us so that when we are out we can buy it on our way bank. However she just persistently keep quiet and I have no idea why. She will only tell us she didn't buy this and that on the night before and so she has an excuse to go out on a non scheduled marketing day. Then she will rush through the rest of the day cling cling clank clank while I'm trying to put baby to sleep n disrupt my day. 

Another thing is that she will change what to cook on her whim n fancy rather than what was planned ahead. So I would be expecting one dish but end up eating salmon again twice in a week. So instead of using the money I gave her to buy beef, she decided she wants to buy salmon instead. She just cook watever is easy for her and that again grates on my nerves. When u try to ask her why, she will always avoid the question and fob off with "u want me to cook something else?" I get frustrated coz she will not look at you n will never answer the question with a direct answer. 

I wish there is a database with maids profile and REAL feedback or testimonies against their work resumes. Of course this will never happen coz administratively impossible. Though I find it grossly unfair that employers have to bank on luck to hire an unknown maid, hoping she can do the job since there is no references on the past. Some employers will just lie since the maid is still with them in their last month. U do not know if the maid u hired has issues with former employer  or work attitude and yet this person will be working or u repeating her errors and staying in your place facing each other day in day out where employers do not have legal options to pay for live out options. 

There are many good maids n there are nasty ones. I am still undecided where ours stand. To be fair she is not all that bad compared to some others that steals, borrow from agencies etc but she has her moments. 

Changing maids seem like "easy" way out but it will be another 3-6 months learning from scratch and I don't have so much time n energy to waste on retraining a maid. By that time, I would not need a maid since my baby will be older. I would rather just hang in there and pray for miracle she will stop being so forgetful. Now she just does her things, I do mine and we stay out of each other's way. Good thing my flat is big enough where I can still have my personal space. 

I wish my previous help of 6 years didn't have to go back to Philippine. She was really good and having her was a joy and we can chit chat while she works and I never have to worry about a thing. Good help are sooo hard to come by. 

Irritating maid again

Everyday with my maid is frustrating. 

I told her to set up bank account with HSBC so that I can pay her salary. She waited two weeks but her ATM card didn't come. So she asked to go bank again. 

I told her to go on Tuesday morn first thing they open 9am n to buy some fruits n pack back food, don't have to rush back to cook. 

She came back 12.30am. And go about doing her stuff. I asked her, where's the mango since I didn't see it on the living room fruit plate. She gave me her fucking stupid blur look again. She ramage through the fridge and went "oh I forgot to take"

WTF. 

I couldn't even understand why she could be so shit useless. Cannot rem things all the time. She gave me that stupid moron then how face. I had to tell her "then go back n get it" so she wasted another 2 hours. Useless. 

She came back and I asked her how can she have forgotten? She said she's rushing a lot to do. I asked her but u are not even cooking lunch. Wats the rush? Now u forgot n waste another 2 hours. Is that better? She kept quiet. 

Everyday I must micro manage her. She won't give u details n she really borders on stupid. When we were changing machine and water was on the floor, the guy asked which cloth to use n she just say that that. I asked her which one, she just say that. I got irritated n have to ask her"can u just describe which one? We don't know wat is that? The red the White or the blue? " she still mumble heaven knows wat I just got so fed up that I grab tissue box instead. So stupid cannot even describe colours. 

Her brain honestly is shitter than a baby. She's a work horse. She just work without thinking but super disorganised n inefficient. 

I cannot endure stupid people n I really cannot stand her. Everyday she just annoys me with something. Today she annoys me again but I'm too tired to write more.

My mum thinks she's cunning n liar. No she is just plain stupid n forgetful and cannot accept people critiising her. 

I give her few more months. I really think of she pissed me off again I will just terminate her. Her cooking is mediocre and she refuses to follow cook book instruction n do her own thing whichever is quick n easy.

Maid birthday.

H4th sept. It's my helper birthday and since I rem she said she don't like cakes coz its sweet (during my mum birthday we offered her a slice of cake) , so I decided to just get a cupcake that isn't as sweet and she can just sweep the cream topping away.  Don't know if she liked the Sift cupcake since she didn't say anything but oh well, at least she won't feel like she's all away from home and no one cared. We gave her Hk$200 red packet just for her to get something she likes for herself. 

Good helpers are so hard to find n mine is annoying me

I don't know why some people like having a maid. If u asked me, I don't. I find them a total hassle and half the time they ruin my mood. Of course not all helpers are bad, but most are nothing but a bunch of headaches. 

We engaged a helper after we had a baby and her job only involves 2 things. Clean the house and manage the meals, which involved buying groceries and cooking. Everything that surrounds baby from washing milk bottles, laundry, caring for the bub will solely belong under my charge and she does not get involved. So it's already such a busy routine caring for the little one yet I still have to manage my maid in addition to my hubby is ridiculous. 

We were upset with her last sat. We spoke to her on Friday telling her what we have planned for sat meals. We told her we have bought beef and mushrooms and she can do enoki mushrooms rolls. I specifically asked her wat we have in freezer n she said fish. So I told her ok cook fish for dinner. My hub asked her to buy Japanese cabbage, broccoli on sat morn marketing so that we can use it on Sunday. We continued to add that on sat morn, please buy groceries for mon and tues as well. Then she can go marketing again on wed morn. So presumably she wrote down wat we instructed her.

Come sat night after an exhausting day and sleep deprived due to friday head accident of baby and monitoring him through the night, I was looking forward to a good dinner. Breastfeeding always makes me hungry.

I went to get my dinner and shockingly, the maid only cook a plate of green vegetables and another bowl of brinjal with minced meat. I was really annoyed because this is NOT the first time we told her I need good portions of meat in every meal. She just blatantly ignore or her useless head keep forgetting which we think is the latter. 

I asked her (note asked not shout) why didn't she cook the fish? She gave that stupid blur expression and asked "oh not enough?" Then she went to freezer and wang to take out prawns n cook her prawn egg (again). I stopped her and said "stop. Too late to cook anything now it's 8pm and we will be wasting food coz there's no way I can finish 3 big dishes".

I was really annoyed during dinner and both my Hub n I couldn't understand why she would often not do things as told? This isn't the first time she just swap wat she is suppose to cook to what she feel like cooking. It's very annoying. I'm more annoyed because I already go shopping to get the beef and other groceries for her and yet she cannot cook one simple fish dish as told. 

My hub asked if he needs to cook chicken for me I said don't bother. He asked wat are we doing for Sunday lunch and dinner and we thought about the chicken we bought on Friday. 

My hub went to the kitchen and checked and I heard him asking my maid where are the vege he told her to buy. Then a min later I heard my hubby asked her "why didn't you tell us these things? When we ask you to buy something you buy it. You don't have enough money, you come back and let us know and tell us. We can always give you extra money. You don't just keep quiet and don't tell us that you didn't buy a single thing I specifically ask you to buy. How would we know that you didn't get it? We don't check on you. We leave it to you to run the household right? So you need to let us know. You don't keep quiet."

The maid replied with her "no big deal" reply "I can go buy in the morn."

My hub "but that's not the point. The point is if I didn't check now, I didn't even know I don't have the food I need to cook. You will be off tomorrow and wat happens when I need to cook and I don't have anything because you didn't buy them and I thought you did?"

The maid replied "I didn't think you need it"

That really pissed me off and I told her off  sternly. "You do not think for us. You do not decide what we want to cook or do with the food we ask you to buy. Our plans are always changing and so we like to have those food prepared in advance. Just like I still don't understand why didn't you cook the fish we told you to do  so on Friday. Friday was not even a very busy day for you" ( because friday baby n I nap for 2 hours and honestly my house isn't that messy since the only rooms we used these days are the bedrooms and we were in it) 

I was already annoyed with her on Friday when she didn't even bother to do the laundry when we went out and when I asked her, she said she forgot. Forgetting to do laundry after 3 months on the job? Is that acceptable? She is soo freaking disorganised. She do not know how to manage her time to be efficient. She just know how to work like a brainless horse but things don't click for her. Just like the other day I told her to change master room bedsheets and clean the room first because my hub is coming home and I know he needs his nap. If she don't change it, it will be nighttime again. So she changed the bedsheets and then I didn't see her clean the room.

I went to kitchen to see her sorting out laundry. I had to tell her "don't do the laundry now. Go clean the room first coz you can always do the laundry after you finish the room." In my head I was thinking why do you not understand which task should be prioritise first?

So while she clean the room, I started the laundry washing just to save her time. Yet the next day when she has all the time in the world, she didn't do any washing. Does this make sense to you? I asked her and that when she said she forgot to check the laundry basket. 

Anycase back to sat. So you could see her face was black and moody shit again after we expressed our unhappiness with her lack of communication n disorganisation. She sullenly looked away as usual. These maid always think they are so wronged or victims but they don't reflect on their repeated mistakes. They think it's ok to slip up, and pretend nothing Happened. 

So rest of the night she has that black face and she went back to her room at 10pm as usual. Which is good coz I don't have to see her black face which really annoys me. I am paying you and u give me the feeling that we can never point out your mistakes and I meat repeated mistakes? 

So Sunday she went on her off which makes me happy. She came back when I was putting baby to sleep so I didn't see her the whole sun. Good. 

Today Monday, she saw me in the morn but still give me the black face n didn't bother to greet me. I couldn't be bothered to greet her either. I don't need to be politely greet u if you want to persist in your childish tantrums. Honestly I really feel like giving her the boot but my hub enjoy the fact that someone wash up after him, now that I'm busy with baby he thinks we need extra help though he said he will not retain her if she chooses to quit. 

So comes Monday n I'm pissed off in my own home because of a disorganised forgetful maid with a black face. Great. 

Thank god I don't need her to look after my child which I will never entrust her to do ever. I simply don't trust her competency and her memory. It's too risky. Who knows what she will forget. If she can't even do 2 meals properly (I have to cook my own breakfast to spare me more headache from her), who can entrust a child with her? Then again it was never my plan to involve a maid in my cha raising. She will always be a spectator and not involved. 

I know it sounds crazy but I look forward to the day I can sack her or she wants to quit. I doubt she will quit since her job resume is already peppered with bad record in singapore n HK, both with terminated contracts. In singapore she claimed her ex boss wanted to punch her so she left. In HK she said she was bullied by the other maid in same household and the boss side the other maid and do she quit after 3 months. Initially one wold sympathise with her but now after 3 months with us, I think there is more than meet the eye. She prob was never up to scratch and pisses people off and just that other employers had less patience and endurance than us. However I told my hub that when my boy gets older and easier to take him out after he starts on solids, I honestly don't care if she leaves. I don't need her really. 

We shall see. 

28 aug: Selfish man

I always Suspected I can't really count on my husband to chip in long term over the baby. He's just too selfish a person and his obsessive need to have "me time" to unwind just grates on my nerves. If he helps, it has to be when he feels like it and not when u ask (too often). He will get irritated and snappish. Excuse me, do I look like I'm So free? When he has chance to sleep he don't and do fucking things like F.B n you tube. He claims he wants n need time to do his chinese but almost everytime I pass his room he is surfing Internet or reading FB. 

That's why I never wanted kid for the longest time. I knew it will mostly fall back on me. He was good for a while in the 3rd month after the CL left but very quickly his selfish nature pops out. The feeding, the cleaning, the taking charge of maid, the grocery planning, the meal planning, the washing of All the bottles pumping equip n storage bottles for every feed, the bathing, the changing nappy, the cleaning of baby like nail clipping, putting baby to Sleep, basically everything from morn to Night. I frankly think not much difference from single mum except I got a maid to cook n clean.

I don't get why I even need to Open my Mouth to get him to clean the bottles when I pump or feeding baby or put baby to sleep. He gives me that irritated look

At time or he just sit on the request for hours n when I remind him he becomes annoyed. Fucker. So now I just clean them myself. He sees that I have finish bathing baby n the water tub is still there, he won't even lift a finger to automatically pour it away. He just walk away and then take his kindle to read n now nap. I had a good mind of leaving the fucking tub there but since I want to shower I might as well throw the water out. But am I resentful, of course I am. 

Just over the weekend I got hit by mastitis n had fever n chills n needed to rest. Sure he "volunteer " to take over looking after baby for night shift but the price? 3 days later he snap at me exclaiming he is very frustrated because he has "no time" to do his own things. Fucker. U think I been idling? I m sick I still have to chase tenant for money and look after household, pump milk, wash bottles help to bath baby etc. I didn't rest much either. So this snappish exchange took place and I just walk out of the room with baby to bath him n the fucker was more than happy that he didn't need to help bath the baby. 

So here I am battling the need to restore my milk supply after it went down by half after I started my antibiotics, while he shamelessly kept to Himself in the study room. 

All this panick sudden drive that he wants to master his chinese. Hello, I told u to

Learn mandarin from day 1 I met you since a decade plus ago. You sat on it for years and do causal private lessons last two years and suddenly u want to master it to have fluent conversation in a month? I don't get it. I seriously don't even want to engage him on the topic n I told him to

Look into schools rather than unstructured private lessons. He blame me for not talking to him in mandarin. Well who talk to me in Japanese when I learned it? I have told him he needs to watch chinese drama or video or tv to expose himself but he thinks they are stupid n refuse. I said that's how I learn but he just won't do it n it's my fault? 

Anycase, basically I just go into work function mode pretending my husband does not exist when it comes to the baby. If the baby has to drink formula if I fall sick again so be it. It's his lot in life that he has a selfish father. There's omg so much mum can stretch herself n it's unfortunate that grandma is equally useless to help out. As the saying goes, 求人不如求己. 

I guess this is all those years of project management from work comes into good use. 

Been a month and life is back to norm since mum gone back

Been a month since my mum went back and life is so peaceful. Apart from the occasional cockup by my helper, things are running like clockwork again. I think everyone at home basically slept better without this constant pressure from mum. 

For one. I need not force myself to eat lunch at a fix time having to consider my mum. She doesn't want to eat many things my maid cook (not because its not nice but she just dont like her) and it's so obvious. Initially I felt bad and tried to accommodate her but gradually her attitude wore me down and I let her be. 

Secondly she was playing or addicted to her phone games so much that it really irritate me when she would be so anti Social even during meal time when we try to have conversations

Thirdly  The pressure is off me suffering from my mum attitude towards my maid. No more complaints n nagging everyday. She will say she didn't say or do anything but please we are not blind and deaf to her tone and expression. My maid never complained or say anything bad about my mum but my mum on the other hand went bitching about my maid to our HK relatives and of course my brothers AND relatives back in sg. 

To my brother I expected her to do so coz it's just her. But to my HK relatives on your second time meeting them when they invite you over to their home to welcome u to HK? Come on. You have no EQ or that u must air every single grievances about your life to everyone you meet the first time u meet them. How about taking a chill pill? Can't u tell my relatives don't rely care n just making polite conversation?? The weirdest thing was people invited u to their home to have lunch n you rush thru your rice and walk away from the dining table with no regards that other people are still eating n having conversations. How rude can u be?? My poor relatives were abit caught out and rushed through lunch too so to keep her company. It's moments like this I want to Roll my eyes. Where is your social skills? U r so use to doing things your own way you don't even know how to behave at other people's home? I bet none of your so call frens ever invited u over because half the time u are always complaining about what they did wrong to u. 

Anycase my brother of course will side my mum and thinks the worse of my helper. I don't know if mum sprout any rubbish to him and he got sick of listening. 

I recently posted the fact that my mum told my maid to keep prawn in sugar before freezing. I thought it was funny because I forgot my mum had that habit. It wasn't even an accusing post, just a factual post that I saw my maid dutifully following mum instructions n I asked her wat she was doing. To me, she was just being obedient doing wat mum taught her. However my brother saw it differently. He saw it as my maid pointing finger at my mum and blaming her. So he sent me a text to say to tell me to tell my maid to unlearn everything mum taught her and he don't want to hear anything about wat mum says coming out of her fucking mouth. I was like WTF? 

When did my maid offend you? It has been us putting up with mum eccentric behaviour and u make it sound like my maid has been backstabbing mum? I told him my maid never spoke ill of mum once despite the fact both me n my hubby overheard mum talking loudly n not very politely to her so many times. Of course my mum will deny it because she has no mirror to reflect upon herself. In fact for the first month she was here, she will tell me not to get irritated with mum coz she's old already. So wat does my brother know? Nothing except bad stories from my mum who loves to play the victimised party as always. Always her so wronged by others.

Anycase my brother was calling my maid stupid since mum is back sg and don't know how to do things her own way. The problem is he DoEs NOT know it was mum who scold her so much n complain to me maid is stubborn if she even dare tell mum that I give her different instructions.  I did tell the maid at the beginning to learn from mum thinking mum would teach her but of course my mum never teaches her properly. So if my maid do things own way, she's stubborn, if she follow mum she is stupid? Wat fucking logic is that? I tell him how I know wat mum teach her? She likes to override my instructions. I have seen it so many times myself but I didn't want to pick a fight everyday so I just let it slide. Plus things like mum insist my maid to use hand to mix the sauces with the meat, my maid prefer to use spoon. My mum got upset and complain to me when I walk into kitchen that my maid is stubborn. I told mum later in private that the maid is not wrong to use spoon since it's more hygienic. Plus she do housework what if she didn't wash her hands properly and touch my food? So I support her using spoon. Mum won't happy of course. 

I see no point in talking sense to my brother. So I said fine. I had already told my maid to ignore wat mum taught her anycase. She just wanted to verify with me sometimes before she change. I dont see wat is wrong with that. 

My mum would complain my CL left a bag of herbs without telling her wat they are or wat to do. Then she hersel left a big bag of herbs n never leave instructions either. When I text her wat are they and how to use, again she just say "oh that bag is cheap stuff your CL bought. Mine are fresh n better" it's like talking to a fucking wall. I ask u wat are they n how to use, never ask you which is the one u bought. 

Also, my maid steam broccoli my mum apparently told her she cannot do that must stir fry. When my maid bought this fish to cook my mum also scold her say I don't eat this fish (which we did n I quite like it)

My mum would also be the one who refill my thermal flask every day n night. Then one day I discover the thermal flask water was not Boiled. I asked mum if she was the one who filled the flask. She hesitatingly said yes n when I told her wat happen, her immediate response was " no it wasn't me, it's your maid" I kept quiet. She turn around n went to call my maid and "told her your mistake" my maid was like "huh? When did I boil water?" I didn't even want to expose my mum. For that day my mum was like "best fren" with my maid joking n chatting with her...after making her the patsy. 

Before she left, she insisted on giving my boy red packet. I was like don't need but she insisted that its for him to buy shoes and its chinese customs. I hate all these BO liao customs. I open the red packet and she gave like freaking HK$2000. I was like huh? Wtf? Why so much? 

I try to return her the money but she refused. I told her I will take hk500 but she was like no no must insist on the 2000. I told her she's not working n no reason to waste so much money and plus give so much only give us pressure that we must return her the same big sum later. She refused of course. Just so irritating. I told her my in laws will just give token sum and we are use to that style. Why must everything revolve round giving big lump of money? So stressful. In the end she took back 1000 only after I say I will go back CNY. Need to think about that... 

Even like when she went to our HK relatives house, she must give red packet before she left coz she say never bring anything over and stun my relatives so much. On my hubby side, everyone is big family n close knitted n eating together is a family affair but mum has to bring her "money" concept to everything. Plus this meal was to welcome mum n to thank my hubby for his lunch treat for my boy 100 days. So it's like a reciprocal thank u but mum of course don't get it. She will never get it since she basically fall out with almost every single relatives we have. Always my uncle or my aunt fault. Strangely my bro will side with her too on this. I was like hello? One aunt fell out with her on holiday coz mum thinks my aunt looks down on her "no money" and so my mum started quarrelling with her n my cousin step in and ask my mum "why r u shouting at my mum?" My mum got offended even more n say the daughter gang up on her. I was like please, any daughter in general seeing someone yelling at her mum will first response defend own mum right? Even when I disagree with you most of the time but if someone yell at u I would also defend u first right?!! So because of "her pride" she cut off her sister completely. Crazy right even after 10 years. She forgot how my aunt would used to call us n even send many toys to me from the states like smurf cabbage patch kid etc. mum never rem good things people do always the bad stuff.

Another thing that pissed me off was just before she left, my cousin was in HK n wanted to visit the baby n we arrange to come at 2pm. That's when baby will be awake after feeding n good mood. Just nice before he nap. I told mum to go meet her at ifc and take the mini bus back since I can't go fetch my cousin. The whole morn she insists that must bring my cousin to eat dumpling soup coz they always want to eat but dunno where. 

I told her don't bother. She's a grown adult in uni and travelling with bf. With Internet n guide book she knows where to eat. Mum act all bossy and say "she dunno one! I watch her grow up so I tell you she dunno where to go." I silently text my cousin "u need mum to take u go eat dumpling soup first?" 

My cousin wrote back immediately and say no no! They have a list of places they want to try n they will settle own lunch. So I told mum "she say don't need. People already adult told u they know how to plan" mum kept quiet. 

She left on time about 1pm to fetch them. She say she want to walk around first. I waited at home till 3pm+ n I had no choice to put baby to sleep at 2.30Pm. My cousin text me To say they are at dumpling soup place as my mum"want" to eat there. Bloody hell. 

So when they come, I woke the baby to feed so he can play with cousin . My

Mum showed them the apartment n my rooftop God knows for fuck why and I was told 10mins later after I woke my baby from his slumber my cousin need to leave. U know how fucking piss I was? 

First u mess up my plans by insisting on the fucking dumpling place. Then u didn't tell me they have to rush off n I woke my cranky baby for nothing. My cousin came to visit the baby not apartment viewing. What's wrong with you??? I repeat, my cousin asked to see the baby, not visit u.  So again my mum pissed me off with her "I must do things my way" with no consideration for others.

Of course there was this tomato incident. I don't even want to go there. 

Well. My brother thinks my maid is some evil troublemaker that mum seems to

Suffer under while she's here.  We shall see when my in laws come. If my in law has no issues with my maid then it only proves once again my mum IS the one that is nitpicking. 

The other day my HK relative came to visit baby n she was having difficult putting her shoes without undoing the strap. My maid saw and she just automatically move forward to help wear the shoe for my relative (she's relatively old now) . This kind of thing cannot fake one I think n she don't earn any bonus points trying to Impress my relative

And my mum likes to tell fibs and create trouble. For a few times she cause me n my hubby to quarrel or almost quarrel. Example: I told my mum to ask my hubby to come feed the baby as I need to pump. She took the baby with her while I prepare the poo diaper change.  She come back without a word. I waited for 10 mins after changing nappy n ask mum where's my hubby? She said oh he's busy. I was like busy with what? Mum say oh don't disturb him lah. That's why mothers are the greatest blah blah n her story of how my dad never help. I have no patience to listen and so I rush to feed the baby n off to pump. 

Just as I finished my hubby came in n ask "u finish feeding? I thought I'm feeding him?" I was almost angry n snapped that my mum went to call him n he said he wasn't free! My hubby was like shock n said "I never said that!!!! U know I will def come if u need help. Ur mum just carry the baby walk into the room n say "oh see wat ur daddy is doing" I just look up at her n ask her yes? She just walked out. So my mum just took it into her hands that my hubby don't have to help n then LIE to me that my hubby say he's busy. 

Another LIE. When she first came she keep questioning my milk supply n in her head thinking because I don't have engorement (anymore) I must not have milk. I had told her to shut up on this point before and then she keep trying to cook things I don't eat n then say " u must eat to increase milk supply coz your CL say u not enuff milk" 

Now, my CL will never n has never said things like that to me. She has always been encouraging n assure me I have enough. So I asked my CL n she was shocked n exclaimed she has never said such things to my mum!!! See what I mean by my mum being a pot stirrer n full of shit?

Another lie was she keep complaining my CL use instant sauce but she will quietly use instant sauce herself like the sweet and sour pork sauce. She knows I hate her using those chicken powder that she puts in soup and so she thinks she puts in different bottle I will not know. I just keep throwing out and so she cannot make her "chciken" soup like normal people do without adding synthetic stuff into it. Worse was I caught her opne the packet sauce and left it in the cupboard with half packet left. WTF? In 36 degrees u dont fridge it because u fear getting caught out in your lie but u rather risk giving me food posioning with sauce that is not refrigerated after opening? What is wrong with you?!!! In the end I tell her dont cook at all. I cant even trust my own mum when it comes to food prep and she will complain about my maid not cleaning the fish well so she refuse to eat. I tasted the fish and it tasted fine. Plus its the fish monger who remove the inside not her. Why blame the maid? And finally i snap at my mum and say to her "You think you everyday eat hawker center those people clean your food very cleanly meh? I dont see you stop eating outside if "unclean food" disgust you so much" She kept quiet of course. 

Plus she is such a superstitious person it annoys me to no end. You know how baby will start to play saliva bubbles and drool when they get older as part of teething process? So I put a bib round him one day to prevent him dirtying his clothes and it helps that he doesnt stick his fingers into the mouth when the bib is in place. Suddenly one day my mum accusingly reprimand me saying "It's all your fault that he drool so much." I was like huh? What did I do? She continued "Who ask you put a bib round his neck the other day and that is why he starts to drool. Now u trying to make me feel like a bad mouth with your STUPID ILLOGICAL ideas? Retaining all these rubbish theories.  What planet do u come from???

People dont get why my mum upsets me so much and this is just a snippet of what I have to go thru daily for 2 months. She just wants her way and if her way works i dont mind but it doesnt. She has a head full of nonsense and backward or illogical thinking and expect me to follow them. She doesnt even rem how to change a diaper properly and she wants to teach me? 

I rem she was giving sideline commentary etc about how I'm not changing my diaper "correctly" in her eyes and I got fed up and told her u think u so good u try. She made a MESS out of it and 10mins still couldnt get it right. I had to take ovr and finish in 2 mins. Only then she said "oh u made it look so easy." I just bite back my tongue from saying that so u admit u been sprouting rubbish from the sidelines for weeks?? When I ask her feed the baby once..it was nitemare causing my baby such distress and wet his clothes completely and I never ask her to feed again. Oh she blame me too for that saying its my fault I didnt screw the cap properly. 

I dont even want to go into other details because its so tiring even trying to recall them. It suffice that my mum creates more friction when she is here and it was only the last week when she was leaving that she became more useful though she still like to hide in the kitchen and waste hours in there. Again, I dont even want to go into details as to what she does in there that annoys me. 

The final point is that we don't miss her because she hasn't been much help with the baby.. She always try to put him to sleep when we say not time yet n goes against our wishes n so in the end we don't let her carry when we don't want him to Sleep. Eventually we only ask her to carry because it's to satisfy her not because we need her to. To the point that her departure didn't even cost a dent in our routine and in fact I sleep so much better without my mum making so much noise in the kitchen at 5+-6am. She just do not know how to be quiet. Now I can sleep till past 7.30am till baby wakes. Glorious

If only it wasnt true...

Recently  I received a bombshell from my good old fren and it wasnt a news I wanted to hear.

For months now, I have had a premonition and vibe that something doesnt seem right about my fav couple and I even told my man that I have a nagging fear that they might have done the unthinkable. My man told me there's nothing much I could do, esp all the way from HK and since its a personal thing, all we can do is wait for them to spring any updates on us.

I felt uneasy but my man was right. There really isnt anything I can do, since my last heart to heart talk with my gf on my last trip back to Sg, which is like a year ago. All I can do is wait but that's the thing about instinct, u cant shake them off.

Today my gf texted me to do a favor for her.
I said ok and as I was chatting with her via text, I updated her on the latest news on my newborn and she said she has news to share too.

My first response was "i hope its not what I feared."
She said " What do u think it is"
I told her "I dont want to guess. Just tell me."
Seriously, NO ONE WANTS to guess bad news.

She wrote back "We separated"
Ok, the bombshell dropped and while shocking, it didnt surprise me since I had that nagging feeling for months.

I told her we are sad about it, but I respect the fact that she must have thought about it before acting on it and ask her if she was ok. Of course, being such an old fren of mine, I told her if she needed to talk about it, I'm happy to call her but I will not ask her any questions because I dont want to be a hassle, or probe into her privacy like a KPO. I told her if I dont ask further isnt because I dont care, but rather I respect her space and need for privacy, though I told her I do have a million whys but I will let her tell me in good time when she is ready.

I asked if she was ok.
She said she is fine but not her husband.

I'm not surprised.
They have been together for over 2 decades, it cannot be easy.

When I shared the news with my man, he was pretty sad about the outcome too. We are hoping that they will reconcile...but since my last conversation with her...the outcome seemed irreversible though both are still seemingly amicable towards each other.

The last I rem, the trigger point was the fact that the MIL was pushing them for a baby. Her hubby was keen to have one too but she wasnt. She did try initially to consult an OB but somewhere along the line, she realised she REALLY dont want a kid. However, she knows her man does and she thot it wasnt fair for her to hang on to him if she cannot give him what he wants

I told her to think about it because I dont think he will leave her just because he like to have a baby, after 20 years+ of marriage, this is the sort of thing that you talk about in the early years of marriage. I cant imagine anyone splitting up in the good old vintage years of life over this issue. Of course the other issue they had was that he was away on long projects overseas and she said she had gotten used to him not being around. That was something I have no answer for.

My life motto, and something I learnt from my breakup with my ex, is that you dont live apart from each other for over a year and expect your relationship to remain unchanged. Whether it's marriage or relationship, long distance can often be a killer. It's not always about 3rd party, but distance does cause drift because either party can form a new social life, lifestyle without the other person. That's why my life motto "Whereever you go, I go too." No career, no other reasons can make me stay if your partner is really who u want to be with for the rest of your life. If I'm destined to takre a crappy job or be jobless, so be it. I find emotional fulfillment more important than financial independence. Good thing I'm not an overly driven person...something that my husband joked about time to time. He sometimes commented that its a waste that I stay home and be a housewife when he knows I can do very well in many thing I want to do. Even my ex boss told me once that he thinks its a waste that I chose to "stay at home and be housewife". But the thing is, it's my choice and I'm happy with the choice I make. People like to make jokes about "oh i'm a tai tai" They seemed to think that I do nothing but live a eat, travel shop life which is further than the truth.

Sure I do travel whenever my man feels like he has enough stress at work. Other days, I busied myself running the household chores, taking care of nitty griity aspect of our lives, chase down crappy tenants, deal with stupid banks, and any paper works or stuff to help my man. I havent had a manicure for years, not a facial for a decade, havent shop for years...but I'm happy.

Now with a little one in tow, a whole new project has sprung up on me and running on sleep deficit for months...this is even more challenging to be stay at home mum than any job in the world. There is no proper break (if u discount all the hours that my man chipped in to give me sleep time). U need to be on top of the game all the time since the little one depends everything on you.

While its funny seeing the little one grow, frankly, I do miss my child free life. I wont say I would trade this or that but seriously, unless you really have the heart and soul to want to do it, having a child is really not for everyone. It does creates friction between couples because of different styles & expectations and "speed" of doing things. It will be worse if you have a difficult baby which thankfully we dont. Still, the million things u have to do for the little one is crazy not to mention the hours and sleepless days and night pumping milk and feeding the LO. It's sooo OMG. My man now "dictates" that I have to stop breastfeeding by 6 months because he doesnt want to see me being sleep deprived for so long and not having a life of my own. It's almost sad that even grocery shopping can be such a delicious break. Going out now is like a mini project each time, revolving round feeding time and milk pumping time... sigh... I feel like there is an invisible chain tying me home.

I seriously look forward to our next first trip away. Though unfortunately we have no family member to dump our kid to for our private date nights. Now the closest "date" night is always being at home while the baby sleeps and we tiptoe out to living room to watch Tv together or something.

I wish my friends wont have split over the decision of a baby.
It's really sad....
A baby will bring u a different lifestyle, life aspect and emotions but seriously... to split from your lifetime partner over this is rather tragic decision esp after 20 years together.

I hope. I pray. That someone one will have a change of heart and they will get back together.