Monday, August 23, 2010

Music . Emotions . Memories

The first time I had heard this song, I loved this song even though I didnt know what love was then. Perhaps it was precisely because I didnt know what love was then.

Afterwhich, I havent heard this song for ages since.

Then I heard this song again in Sydney after like what seems like another century. It felt completely different to hear this song again. The whole song takes on a completely new perspective, listened to in utter new light. The emotions that it invoked was shockingly too close for comfort.

The timing couldnt be more, how do I say, coincidental. My gfs and I were just talking about love and men, sharing about our personal experiences. Perhaps it's just us, the novice-in-love who never really quite become the same after someone leaves you. I thought it was just me, as I shared with a love-amateur that when a relationship ends, you will be changed. A part of you dies and never really recover. I have always thought it was the extremist in me that felt that way, so it was terribly refreshing to hear someone else agreeing with me for a change. My gf added that "Yeah, a piece of you just keep dying when each relationship ends. It takes something away from you and you dont get it back."

Broken Love. You dont get over it, you simply just bury it. Triggered by scent, sound or words, it rises to haunt you briefly. It doesnt mean you still feel for the person or have any unfinished business. Rather, you are simply just thrown off balance for the slightest moment as those memories float to the surface. You race through back in time, almost akin to replaying a bad video in your head. How is it that no one ever warns you about things in life like that? We learnt about stars, planets and the ocean. We delve into the most complex mathematical equation or debate about moral issues, and yet, no one really tells you the pitfalls in life and how it will change you.

People often paint the grandeur of love, but no one warns you in reality, when love turns its back on you and leaves you mercilessly, how it sucks you dry. How it prevents us from affording the naivety experienced in first love, and the seed of skepticism and emotional barrier will take shape and balloon  inside with each new person you let in into your life.

Do we really want different things from a guy in different stages of our lives? Or does our unfortunate experiences shape and define what we don't want from a guy as we get older? How is it that man gets less critical about the sort of woman they want in life as they get older, while woman conversely raises the bar about the man they spend their life with?

As I soaked and immense myself in this song repeatedly, I realise with some sense of dread that I will never listen to this song again with the same sort of lightheartedness as I had once possessed as a child. With the rite of passage; some people, some moments, and some words will forever be entangled with this tune, with a tinge of sadness...

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