Monday, October 19, 2015

19 oct

Too tired to rem what I had wanted to blog yesterday or was it fri as in part 2. Dozed off straight after blog. 

Memory is shot when u are riding on sleep deprivation especially when there was ZERO sleep on sat nite to sun morn.
How i survived considering the little sleep I have constantly amazed me these days. 

Before I continued, wanted to say thanks for all the comments. Reading them but to exhausted to reply one by one... Despite this being my online rant which my husband is completely oblivious about, (he prob be pissed if he knows) , it's nice to know someone out there is empathising and My frustrations and runs of emotions are not like invisible and unwarranted.

Friday Nite
Any Case, husband tried to make peace. I told him i really needed to catch an hour nap from 11pm on Friday night. My head was hurting. I will need to feed baby again at Midnite. He said ok. Next thing I know he came to wake me and said he had fed baby n put him back to sleep but he kept waking. It was 1am sat morn he came but I was too tired to open my eyes n fell back asleep.. It was almost 2am when my Breasts hurt and I needed to pump n I woke. I finished at 3am n baby cried. It was a disturbed sleep night. Baby had flu. Kept waking. But coz I had that shuteye from 11-2am sleep, I felt better even if I had not much sleep again after.

on Sat lunch, went out with baby to celebrate my MIL bday. Even though Can't say I wanna stay home to sleep. I adore my MIL n so making the extra effort I thought was worth it. Baby was abit fussy but I think we all had a good time.

Little one caught a cold. Started with Running nose on fri night and went on to nasal congestion by sat night. Suspected caught from grandpa as he had running nose when he arrived. So baby was waking every 45 mins or so through the night and he can't sleep lying flat. That effectively means I had to carry him semi upright, chest to chest so he can rest his head near my shoulder n on chest. He could sleep better when I'm upright. 

When I almost fell asleep each time n started to slide down, he will wake n cry and so had to readjust my position. My head n my eyes are like splitting from
Fatigue. In the middle of night at 4am, his nose sounded really bad with the snorting sound so I had to carry him n dig for the saline drop and God he cried blue murder as he hates the drops but it gave him respite n he slept abit longer this time.

I on the other hand was wary that I don't drop him like I almost did the last time. There was this morn I was waiting for his expressed milk to warm up and I almost dropped him when carrying him coz I fell asleep while waiting n seated on the toilet seat. Lesson learnt, leave baby in cot even if he is wailing for attention. 

Anycase, he was whimpering at 7am. I didn't know from hunger or his nose so I went to get his milk anyway. Zombified. 
He fed well thankfully. Left him in cot while I dashed off to make his morning congee and pump. Everyone else is still asleep. How nice.... 

Sun morn
It was another round of madness. Going through motions on auto mode. Today I will be alone. Everyone else is heading out to relative birthday lunch. 

Husband had to take parents to TST as they don't know the way n honestly the old folks not as alert as before n my FIL legs ain't that good anymore. Need help. 
He said he will try to rush back. I said ok though I don't see how quick. They left at  12pm as lunch starts at 1pm. Husband left them at 2pm and rushed to buy grocery for me to cook baby food and syringe for the baby fever med. he reached home about 4pm. 

So that means I had not slept since that 11pm- 2am shut eye on fri. Amazing I'm still functioning after more than 48hrs.  Must be all those years of mid Nite oil burning training while mugging for exams and working thru the nights while I was still working. Yet, this is more physically exhausting than work..  Not to mention I burnt my hands again with the pots while steaming baby food. I know now why people really shouldn't drive when tired. Your brain really don't focus and u don't know it when your hand slips n reaction time is slow. Really slow. U see yourself doing something stupid but your body reacts too slowly till the pain registers. 

Anycase, I'm thankful my boy behaved beautifully while we were on our own the whole half day. I left the bathing to his dad since my hands still have sms blisters from the burns. Plus I need to prep his food for dinner and fruits purée for mon morn. 

I didn't get to rest at all even when they are back till 630pm I went to bathe while my mil cooked. Just when I wanted to sit and eat at 7pm, baby woke and in my head I went "FUCK." Will I get to rest at all? I haven't eaten anything except a slice of bread at 9am. I'm starving.

My man volunteered to carry him so I can eat. My mil ate even faster so that she can watch him. She said she was full from lunch. It was 730pm n I had to ask for help for the first time. I asked my mil if she could feed baby his dinner which I had just finished cooking before shower. She was more than happy too and I just ate next to them so that I can guide her to baby nottie ways:) it was a relief that I could catch a break. 

I fell asleep with morn at 11pm. He's sleeping later n later no idea why. 

Woke at 1am with a start to feed him. His mouth was itching for food. My husband said he was going to sleep at 1.30am after I finish the feed n change baby diaper.. However I still have to pump and fill up the stack of paper work for their china visa trip. 

4am time to sleep but baby is stirring. Great. 
Wish Me luck.

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