Monday, September 15, 2008

All the "Pollutions" up in the air...

My flight to Sydney was incidentally full of oddballs - again.

Before the bunch of happy campers got on board the plane, there was just one more thing to do. An additional bag inspection after all the xray earlier. I didn't really quite see the need of the halfhearted additional manual bag search/ patting down just before the entrance of the airplane. Really, it was so lame that it is almost a joke to watch - that is if only I didnt have to wait in line for the pointless exercise to reach my turn.

The lady behind me was so irate about the whole redundant process that she actually broke away from the Q to complain to the staff at the counter (those that validate your boarding pass). Not that it did her any good, apart from having to rejoin the Q from the BACK.

The flight was relatively bumpy but that wasnt what got me.

What is this thing about me and farting people. I'm almost a magnet for one. The Caucasian dude sitting before me was farting non stop. It was so utterly smelly that it actually choked me to consciousness at one point when i was starting to drift off to la la land. the assault on my nose was pretty unbearable that I had to fan the air around me to share the "air goodies" with my neighbours seated around me. If there was any dying patient, the smelly fart would have either sent his soul straight to heaven, or bad enough to drag his soul back and make a dash for the nearest plane exit...away from the stench.. Honestly, I wonder if one of the shit stained towel bowl in the cubicle was an artistic contribution by him though I have my serious doubts coz his fart shouldnt be so stinky if he had let it all out..

I know its downright gross to have to describe but there were serious splats.... almost like shit hits the fan sort of effect. you get the picture... It is beyond me as to why anyone would not want to clear their bowels before the flight or at least try to clean up their shit.Does the air turbulence makes the whole experience more memorable? if not, why all these shitting in the air? No matter, I sure am glad I aint goning to be the one having to scrub down that seat...

if that air pollution wasnt enough, the night was intermingled with noise pollution and ahem, "waste" pollution as well...the indian old man in the row diagonally next to me had the loudest snore. And when he isnt performing his own symphony in his sleep, he was snorting, and blowing his nose constantly at the loudest decibel known to human ears. To top it off, the old dude had the most ridiculous obessions with his hair. 30mins before the plane was due to land, I swear he was furiously combing his ruffled white hair non stop with mighty strength. It was almost as if, someone had told him that he would never have a chance to comb his hair again and so he should maximise the chance. 20mins non stop of combing but for the life of me, i see no difference. I was almost afriad that his repeatative motion would eventually dislodge some bodily flakes and dandraff and send them my way. I was so horrified that I had to actually squirmed behind my seat as far towards the window as possible.

At that moment, I didnt know which was worse.
To be poisoned to death by stinky fart from a 30yr man, or be contaminated by indiscriminately flying bodily waste of a 70yr old man.

either way man, it seems like a pretty horrific deal to me.....
yeah, I hope u are laughing. at least one of us could have a good time out of this episode...

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