recharging...

i need my private space. A Lot.
i often need private time to chill off on my own.

i like darkness
i love going about doing my stuff with no artificial lights except candles.
its my therapeutic session.

with all the unexplainable negative vibes building up
it was tiring me inside out.

by chance, my husband had company event
i finally could have the house remain in darkness, saved for a few candles.
the tv remained firmly turned off
and only my fav soothing music is playing in the background.
i could tune off everything because the house is finally quiet
i havent felt this great for a long while.

i'm so tired of constantly running ard doing things, running errands
constantly bombarded by noise from all directions
perpetual assault from the glaring lights.

sometimes living with someone else is tough
i can never get this sort of quiet peace around when my husband is at home
he has this insane need of leaving the tv on even if he wasnt watching it
he always leave a trail of lights on in the house
which drives me nuts, not only because its wasting energy
but i feel like i'm under the spotlight at all time with no place to retreat.

at moments when i'm feeling inexplicably down
i miss having my own room at times
lights off, music on
where i can just lay down,
close my eyes and drift off...

sometimes my husband gets annoyed
like he doesnt understand
why i just want to seal myself off to recharge
he needs an explanation for everything
i hate explaining myself for everything
sometimes, there is just no explanation

this is the trade off for marriage i suppose
your life, your lifestyle,
is no longer just yours alone to lead.